Happy: Hello, my wonderful students! Welcome back to Monster School! As you all know, I am your instructor, Happy! In today's class, you gotta learn how to be the most vicious and deadly killing machines Among Us has ever witnessed! Any questions so far?
Mr. Cheese: Apprentice, is my evil master plan nearly complete?
Happy: Yes, master. Everything's going according to schedule. They're learning quick. Your plan should soon come to fruition.
Mr. Cheese: Excellent. But why is there a brainslug on your head?
Happy: Oh! You mean Balthazar? He's my favorite. You could say he's the teacher's pet. Hahahaha!
Mr. Cheese: Uh, you know that thing feeds on your brain waves and will eventually control your thoughts and emotions, right?
Happy: Wait, wha-?
Happy: I love Balthazar the brainslug...and the mothership. All hail the mothership.
Mr. Cheese: Uh, what the heck was that?
Happy: Erm- Uh, nothing, sir.
Mr. Cheese: Good. Because when these monsters fully trained, I'll have an army of merciless beasts ready at my disposal. Nobody will be ever be able to stop me in Among Us! The whole world will soon know, that my name Mr. Cheese! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Captain: Hey, you guys okay in there?
Mr. Cheese: Uh yeah, just totally normal crewmate stuff.
Happy: Uhh, definitely no impostors in here!
Captain: Really? I could've sworn I heard the maniacal laughter of two evil geniuses!
Mr. Cheese: Oh, that? That was just- uh- remembering this funny thing Poopy*farts* said.
Happy: Uh-huh. He said...um...fart?
Captain: AHAHAHAHAHAH! Classic Poopy*farts*. Anyways, better hurry up! The game's about to start.
Happy: Oh, that was a close one.
Mr. Cheese: Yes, too close. I will not let you ruin what I've worked so hard to complete. Make sure the pets are ready.
Happy: Yes, sir.
Mr. Cheese: And uh, try to resist and control the brainslug. They are disgusting vile creatures.
Happy: Don't worry, Balthazar. I will always love you.
Captain: Oh! Hey there, new friend. Hello! My name is Captain. Nice too meet you.
Captain: Not much of a handshaker, huh? I guess I can understand that. Germs and all that jazz can't ever be too safe, even when wearing an airtight spacesuit. What's your name, newbie?
Captain: Oh, so you're more of the strong, silent type, ey? Playing your cards close to the vest, keeping your eyes on the prize. I can respect that. It's just...I can't really point my finger on it, but something about you definitely seems off.
Mr. Cheese: Nonsense! Asdf only looks different because he's not from around here.
Captain: Oh, so we got an out-of-towner in our midst.
Happy: Yeah! Um, he's from- uh- Istanbul.
Captain: Really? What part? I spent an entire semester there as a foreign exchange student. I stayed downtown in the old city and ate baklava made by some of the finest pastry chefts in Turkey. I shopped in the grand bazaar, visited the Dolmabahçe palace, and scaled the Yedikule fortress. I know the area quite pretty well.
Happy: Oh! Well...Asdf was uh...from the other side of town.
Captain: Ah, that checks out then.
Mr. Cheese: Yeah, totally. Minions, attack!
Mr. Cheese: Yes, MWAHAHAHUHUE!
Mr. Cheese and Happy: MWAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Veteran: Okay, so I have to reset breakers. That doesn't sound too hard.
- Ah, and there's one right there!
- Dang, no luck. Gotta find breaker number one.
- Nope. Nuh-uh. Not this one. Uh-huh.
- Now this is getting ridiculous. Come on!
- What? A dead end? Where's the stupid first breaker?
- Huh? What was that?
- That's it! I'm outta here!
- Where the heck is that ladder?
- Ah! Come out, whoever you are! Quit messing with my head!
- Yes, I'm saved!
- Huh? Are you lost, little guy? Oh, we gotta get you outta here. There's some monsters creeping around and-
Wizard: Alright, time for everyone's favorite character, Wizard, to finish his tasks.
- Oh, here it is. And here we go!
- Stupid trash can! Get off!
- Oh, great. This is gonna take forever to clean up. Unless I use my magic powers! They don't call me Wizard for nothing!
- Ah, it's perfect.
Happy: Happy do good, boss?
Mr. Cheese: Yeah, yeah, Happy do good. But where are the pets? You were supposed to keep them in control!
Happy: I...uh...must have lost them inside Electrical. That place is a maze!
Mr. Cheese: I don't want your excuses, Happy. I want results. So get those good-for-nothing pets in mine, or so help me!
Happy: Yes, sir. I will free the pets. Pets are equal. Pets are good. So is the mothership. All hail the mothership.
Mr. Cheese: Okay. Seriously, is there like some sort of alien invasion I need to know about, or...
Player: Man, this thing is really stuck on there.
Player: What? What are those things?
TheGentleman: I found Captain dead in Medical. PoopyFarts here can confirm.
Mr. Cheese: Dang, I wish we had more evidence to go off of...?
Happy: Yeah, it's gotta be impossible to figure our who the impostors are.
Mr. Cheese and Happy: AHAHAHAH!
Player: Uh, I have a pretty good idea if who it could be...? It's clearly this 'person' that's just a stack of various pets in a poorly orchestrated disguise. All of them tried to attack me in the showers.
Mr. Cheese: What? I don't kniw about you guys, but this Asdf fellow--a person I've never met before by the way--seems like a perfectly normal humanoid crewmate to me. I'm sure that they- he would never attack anybody.
Stoner: I don't know, Mr. Cheese bro, like Pkayer might actually have a good point here.
This dude has a hamster for a face.
Mr. Cheese: Yeah but, hamster schmapster, am I right? Let's just vote to skip.
TheGentleman: Not so fast, Mr. Cheese. There's no way this rapscallion is on the up and up. Also, pretty much any time we aren't together the entire match, it's because I'm a crewmate and you're an impostor.
Player: Yeah, that's pretty sus.
Mr. Cheese: Sus? Why would Mr. Cheese? I would never!
Player: Yeah, save it, Mr. Cheese. I'm pencilling you in.
TheGentleman: As am I.
Mr. Cheese: What? Don't you just stand there, Happy, do something! Happy? Aren't you even listening to me?
Happy: All hail the mothership.
Mothership: You have done well, Balthazar. I trust your subject has been adequately prepared for consumption.
Balthazar: Please, don't take this one. I know it goes against our alien code, but I have become attached to my host. Spare him.
Mothership: This will anger your father, alien kings and decrees. You will be untreated from the empire and exiled here on Earth, forever.
Balthazar: I know.
Mothership: Then you must choose a replacement offering for the sacrifice.
Balthazar: Um, I guess the red one then.
Mothership: So be it. Goodbye, my friend. All hail the mothership!
Balthazar: All hail the mothership.
Stoner: My head.
Happy: What happened? Balthazar, are you okay?
Mr. Cheese: Sometimes, your stupid brainslug has complex emotions.
Stoner: Uh, bros? Where's Player?