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Episode   Gallery   Transcript    
For the cast list, click here.

In medias res

(In The Airship, Kitchen. BDay and Rose, each carrying a ray gun, chase after Veteran.)

VETERAN

She didnt- She didn't install...the cardio mod...

BDAY

Come back here, non-believer!

ROSE

Hit him! The Divine One's will shall not be denied!

(BDay and Rose shoot. The bullets barely miss Veteran.)

VETERAN

Ah! Gah! Ooh!

MR. CHEESE

(gets in the way) Oh hey there, Veteran! My name Mr-

VETERAN

(pushes Mr. Cheese away) No time for that!

MR. CHEESE

Whoa!

VETERAN

What the-

MR. CHEESE

Cheese loui-

(Mr. Cheese turns into gold. Veteran arrives in Vault, looking up to see a huge golden statue of Player. BDay and Rose surround Veteran.)

BDAY

End of the line, Veteran! You will make a fine offering for the God King!

VETERAN

God King? Is that some sort of dumb, nerd thing?

BDAY

(in a heightened voice) Blasphemy, blasphemy!

ROSE

Ooh, ooh! Can I shoot him now, honey? I wanna make the Divine One proud to me.

BDAY

Tell you what Rose, it can be your early birthday present.

ROSE

Done being snookums.

VETERAN

Rose, just kill me now.

ROSE

(both about to shoot Veteran) It's the idea!

(Player enters.)

PLAYER

Halt!

BDAY AND ROSE

(both bow down) My lord.

VETERAN

Player, thank the Goddess. Rose and BDay have got insane and- wait- something's different about you. Did you shave your mustache?

PLAYER

What? No.

PLAYER

There's only one god here, Veteran. Me.

(Player places his hands onto BDay and Rose's heads.)

BDAY AND ROSE

Ahahahah! Ooh!

ROSE

What's this feeling? Ooh, a divine blessing from the Divine One?

BDAY

Uhm, no. It feels more like death.

ROSE

Oh.

(BDay and Rose scream as their bodies turn into solid gold.)

PLAYER

I no longer require your services. (evil laugh)

VETERAN

Nice job, Player. Those guys were about to kill me in the name of some...Divine One.

PLAYER

Do you seriously not get wha's going on in here, Veteran?

VETERAN

Not in the slightest.

PLAYER

No matter, you will soon enough.

(Player goes nearer to Veteran, reaching one hand.)

VETERAN

So, could you like, tell me? Maybe with a recap or-

PLAYER

Ugh, fine.

Mod boredom

Earlier that day...

(In The Skeld, Cafeteria. Player is seated on a table, unamused. Captain appears as a ghast, spitting fireballs in the direction ahead.)

CAPTAIN

Fireball! Fireball!

(Dum as a giant and Stoner as a dragon land on their feet as they wrestle against each other.)

DUM

Fee, fi, fo, Dum!

STONER

Time to blaze it!

(Mr. Cheese as a cat goes past the room.)

MR. CHEESE

Haha! Bark bark, I'm a cat! Hahaha...bark, bark, haha!

VETERAN

(sits beside Player) Hey, buddy. Man, gotta catch my breath. This game sure is awesome today, huh?

PLAYER

Awesome? It's a total mess! With all these mods installed you can't tell who the imposter is!

VETERAN

Yeah, that's the whole point of Among Us, dude.

PLAYER

That's not what I meant?

VETERAN

Hey, man. I know you're feeling down cause you're bad at the game, and even with all these OP mods-

CAPTAIN

(interrupting while passing through) So OP.

VETERAN

Right. Thanks, Captain.

VETERAN

Even with all the so OP mods, you can't win.

PLAYER

Veteran, it's not that I'm a sore loser. It's that this doesn't even feel like Among Us at this point.

VETERAN

How do you figure?

DUM

So long, Stoner!

STONER

Whoaaaaaaaa, oh!

PLAYER

Ugh, nevermind.

VETERAN

Player, when I'm feeling like I suck—which is nothing cause I'm pretty awesome—I ask the old-knowing Goddess for advice.

PLAYER

How is that gonna help me?

VETERAN

Fine. Don't listen to me then. All I know is that I win all the time and you literally have never won. Anyways, I'll be seeing ya.

PLAYER

Wait, what?!

(Veteran pulls out a remote and presses the button.)

VETERAN

Automatic ejection mode, Player. No vote required.

PLAYER

What?! That's so OP!

CAPTAIN

(in the background) So OP!

(Player is ejected.)

PLAYER

No!

Divine help

PLAYER

(while floating around in space) That's it! I'm done with Among Us, for real this time. I know I told Veteran that I'm wasn't a sore loser. But seriously? All this time, I haven't won a single game?That's gotta be statistically impossible!

GOD OF AMONG US

Nothing...is...impossible.

PLAYER

Huh? Who's there?

GOD OF AMONG US

I am the (he appears) God of Among Us.

PLAYER

The god of Among Us is a giant sloth? I guess that makes sense.

GOD OF AMONG US

I have been watching you, Player. I am here to help you.

PLAYER

Help me? How are you gonna do that? Make me realize I had what it takes to win inside me all along?

GOD OF AMONG US

No. I'm giving you a mod.

PLAYER

Oh. Well, that works too. I'm ready!

(The god slowly reaches his hand to Player.)

PLAYER

(impatient) Oh my god, just give it to me already!

(Player touches the hand. His body shakes and glows. After a few moments, his beanie turns into gold.)

PLAYER

Yes, yes. This is amazing! I'm...I'm a god!

GOD OF AMONG US

With great power, comes great-

PLAYER

Yeah, yeah. I've heard that line before. (to himself) Oh man, I can't wait. I'm finally going to win!

GOD OF AMONG US

Use that power for-

PLAYER

Uh-huh. Uh-huh, huh-huh. Listen, thanks again. But I've got a game to get back to.

(Player snaps a finger and disappears.)

Player, the god impostor

(In The Airship, Engine Room. Ghast Captain is shooting fireballs. Beside him, Giant Dum and Dragon Stoner are wrestling.)

CAPTAIN

Fireball! Fireball!

PLAYER

Time to get to work.

CAPTAIN

Hey, Player! I didn't know that you were in this lobby. Nice shiny hat. Say, does that mean that you've finally embraced mods?

PLAYER

It sure does, Captain. Here, let me show you how mine works. Hiya!

(Player shoots a blob of liquid gold. Captain turns into gold, falling to the ground.)

CAPTAIN

Ah!

DUM AND STONER

(they notice Player) Huh?

PLAYER

Let's see what else a god impostor can do!

(Player shoots gold beams with both of his hands. Dum shrinks into a mini crewmate. Stoner transforms to a brainslug.)

STONER

Wait, what?

DUM

Ugh, not again!

(Dum and Stoner fall to the engine furnace.)

PLAYER

Wow! As the God Impostor, I can pretty much do anything I want! Including...

(Player sees BDay and Rose hiding behind an engine using heat vision.

BDAY

Don't move, honey. He can't see us if we don't move.

ROSE

You watch too many movies, dear!

(Player explodes the engine.)

BDAY

W-what are you gonna do to us?

PLAYER

Well, I think it's time you gotta fashion upgrade! (he chuckles)

(BDay and Rose's hats are replaced with the red beanie.)

BDAY

My balloon!

BDAY

My...lord.

ROSE

How we may serve you well, Divine One?

PLAYER

Yes! Thanks to my god powers, I have two mind-controlled minions! Oh, I'm so close to winning, I can almost taste it! Okay, I killed Captain, Dum, and Stoner. That just leaves Mr. Cheese and Veteran. Just gotta play this right. (to BDay and Rose) You two!

BDAY AND ROSE

Yes, my lord?

(Player creates two ray guns. They fall on BDay and Rose's hands.)

PLAYER

Take these, and ensure my victory!

ROSE

You will never lose again!

BDAY

Long live Player!

PLAYER

Yes, yes...

ROSE

(in the background) There he is!

VETERAN

She didnt- She didn't install...the cardio mod...

BDAY

Come back here, non-believer!

ROSE

Hit him! The Divine One's will shall not be denied!

(BDay and Rose shoot. Veteran arrives in Vault, looking up to see a huge golden statue of Player.)

VETERAN

What the-

Wrong role

(Flashback stops, going back to the present time.)

PLAYER

And that's how I was sent by God [of Among Us] who made me won my first game. Understand now, Veteran?

VETERAN

Wow, Player. That was really something.

PLAYER

Wait, what do you mean?

VETERAN

I especially liked that part with the giant sloth god. Wasn't expecting that. Anyways, nice job buddy. It's about time you win a game.

PLAYER

(excited) Really? This is happening?

VETERAN

Yeah. I knew I had it in you all along. Go on, turn me into gold or whatever and let's celebrate.

PLAYER

Well, okay. Here it goes. Thanks pal.

(Player touches Veteran with a golden hand. Nothing happens.)

PLAYER

Huh? (he keeps on patting Veteran)

VETERAN

Can you not do it when someone's watching or something? I can turn around if you want.

PLAYER

No, that's not it. Something's wrong.

VETERAN

Huh, that's awkward.

PLAYER

What is it?

VETERAN

I just noticed that I had a kill button this whole time. What did that sloth god say your mod was again?

PLAYER

Well...

(Scene switches to an earlier part of the episode.)

GOD OF AMONG US

Use that power for...

PLAYER

Uh-huh. Uh-huh, huh-huh. Listen, thanks again. But I've got a game to get back to.

(Player snaps a finger and disappears.)

GOD OF AMONG US

...good crewmate.

PLAYER

(regret) I was going to use my god powers to get the crewmates an easy win. And instead, I killed them all.

VETERAN

Yep, seems that way.

PLAYER

(placing hands over the face) I'm never gonna win, am I?

(Player puts his hands away. Veteran grabs a ray gun at aims at him.)

VETERAN

Nope.

(Veteran shoots Player.)

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