Radio: This is General Player of the Airship. I'm running out of supplies and food. That's not the worst of it. The Wi-Fi is down too, so I can't even play video games. It's horrible. I am very, very bored. Is there anyone else out there? Please, give me a sign! I can't be the only one left. This is General Player of the Airship. I'm running out of supplies and food...
Player: Looks like nothing, as usual.
(Player narrating) My name is Player. I am the last crewmate. And this... this is my story. It all started that faithful day, 20 years ago.
The empire had us outnumbered, three-to-one. We had oversome worse odds before.
Player: This is General Player. All crew wings report in.
Blue: Blue ten, standing by.
Bro: Blue seven, standing by.
Hornsly: Blue three, standing by.
BDay: Blue six, standing by.
Freezy: Blue nine, standing by.
Greaser: Blue two, standing by. Eyy!
Rookie: Blue five, standing by.
Player: Man, we have a lot of blue characters. This is it, people. Look alive!
Stoner: Whoa! Pretty colors! I like... Have you now, dude?
BDay: They're all over me! I can't shake 'em!
Player: Blue six, watch out!
(An explosion appears and kills BDay)
Mr. Cheese: My name Space Commander Cheese!
TheGentleman: Oh, Space Commander Cheese, status report! How goes the battle?
Mr. Cheese: It goes, "pew, pew! Kablamo! Aaaah! Oh no, don't kill me!"
TheGentleman: Oh no, I don't mean...ah...are we winning?
Mr. Cheese: Oh yeah, of course, Lord Gentleman! The Crewmate alliance doesn't stand a chance against our evil empire!
TheGentleman: Excellent. Captains!
Captains: Sir, yes sir!
TheGentleman: We have them on the run. This will be a day long remembered. Now, keep firing!
Captains: Aye, aye!
(Some Star Wars-style letters appear floating)
TheGentleman: What the-What's going on?!
Captains: Sorry sir, but these giant floating letters came out of nowhere!
TheGentleman: Well, shoot through them then!
(The impostor ship launches a very strong projectile to destroy the letters and it hits the crew ship)
Speaker: Evacuate the Airship!
Player: Everyone, head to the escape pods! Regroup on Polus's surface! We're not out of this fight yet!
Speaker: Evacuate the Airship!
(An explosion from the ship knocks down a pillar that falls into Player's face)
(The present)
Player: Dang it. Dang it. Ugh.
Player: Huh? That's an Impostor ship! How did they find me?!
Radio: ...I'm very, very bored. Is there anyone else out there?...
Player: Oh, right. Okay, gott hide.
TheGentleman: Hmm. Listen up! We have reason to believe on that ship exists a living, breathing Crewmate. The very last of his kind.
Hunter: That's impossible. The last crewmate was wiped out in the great crewmate war of 2021! No offense, but I think you ought to check your so-
(Hunter starts coughing)
Gnome: Oh my god! Are you choking him with your mind, Gentleman?
TheGentleman: What? No! Of course not! Does anyone know the Heimlich?
Hunter: Ah, phew! Sorry. There's something in my throat. Go on.
TheGentleman: Right. Anyways, you three are highly recommended. I want that Crewmate found, alive if possible. And no ankle biting.
Gnome: As you wish.
Baggy: Um, Lord Gentleman sir, what are we talking in terms of payment? I-I don't work for free!
TheGentleman: Don't worry. You will be handsomely rewarded for your efforts. I will give you all the newly released Among Us expansion pack on Steam! It comes with a fifth map!
Gnome: Wow, it only took them twenty years.
(They enter the ship)
Hunter: Alright ladies and gents, let's get this hunt started.
Baggy: Okay, and if anyone's hungry, I've packed for all of us some lunch!
Gnome: The only thing I'm hungry for…is blood! *laughs*
Baggy: Oh well, okay...uh...that's cool...you can have blood...Hunter and I will have food like normal people I guess...
(Hunter walks away)
Baggy: Or I can eat alone…that's fine!
Baggy: Mmm, that's good stuff! Uh, how's my mouth outside of my spacesuit anyway? Uh, better now think about it now I guess...
(Player jumps out of the box)
Player: Hiya!
Player: One down and two to go. But first...it's been so long since I've had real food! Yes! Yes!
(A laser disintegrates the sandwich)
Player: No!
Gnome: The next one is going between your eyes, you filthy Crewmate!
Player: Aaargh! You killed my sandwich!
Gnome: It's over, crewmate, I have the high ground, which means I'm gonna mess you up!
Gnome: Ha! You missed!
Player: Eat it!
Gnome: Wait, don't kill me! I have a boyfriend!
Player: You know how long I've been stuck here eating frozen TV dinners! That sandwich was my last chance of happiness, and you murdered it.
Gnome: Wow, you really need to get out more.
Player: That's it!
Hunter: Hold it!
Player: Crap!
Gnome: Nye, nye!
Hunter: Fortunately for you, Lord Gentleman wants you alive. So if I were you, I'd come quietly.
Player: Lord...Gentleman?
Gnome: You better do what he says, 'cause down here I'm at perfect ankle-biting height! Now, now!
Hunter: No, now. Lord Gentleman was quite clear that- *cough cough*
Player: Huh? What's wrong with him?
Gnome: Oh, he does that. Hey Hunter, get a grip buddy.
Player: Does he usually do that, too?
Gnome: Uh... no?
TheGentleman: The last Crewmate. We meet at last. No, your services are no longer required. There, I do apologize the trouble they put you through.
Player: Like I care! You're the tyrannical ruler of the evil empire! All the Crewmates are dead because of you!
TheGentleman: No, not all of them, General Player.
Player: You know who I am?
TheGentleman: Of course, I do. For you see, the shocking truth is... I am your father!
Player: That's not true! That's impossible!
TheGentleman: Search your feelings, you know it to be true!
Player: No! Noo! No like, seriously, it's not though. You're not my dad. My dad's name is Alan? See? Here he is with my mom. And that's me right there.
TheGentleman: Yes, yes, I see, fine. I'm not your dad. But wouldn't it be super cool and dramatic if I was?
Mr. Cheese: Yeah, come in Lord Gentleman, over?
TheGentleman: Ugh. Excuse me a moment.
Player: Uh-huh.
TheGentleman: What is it, Space Commander Cheese? Can't you see that I'm busy right now, over?
Mr. Cheese: It's just how I heard you on with Player the chance to rule the galaxy alongside you? And that's kind of my position, so I just want to make sure that we're not over... um... over?
TheGentleman: Oh. Sorry about that. Now, where were we?
Player: You were starting a classic bad guy monologue.
TheGentleman: Ah yes. We're not so different, you and I-
Player: Could we just not do this?
TheGentleman: Yes, I suppose that is rather cliche, isn't it? Very well, if you will not come willingly, then you leave me no choice l. Stand still, because otherwise, this will make a huge mess.
TheGentleman: Sleep tight, General Player! Space Commander Cheese, beam us up.
Mr. Cheese: Oh, so now you wanna talk? Also, wrong franchise.
TheGentleman: Oh, just do it.
Radio: This is General Player of the Airship. I'm running out of supplies and food,and that's not the worst of it. The Wi-Fi's down too, so I can't even play video games. It's horrible. I am very, very bored, Is there anyone else out there?
Please, give me a sign! I can't be the only one left.
Veteran: This is Veteran. I got your message, buddy. The Crewmate alliance isn't dead, and you're not alone. You hear that? We're on our way. Don't move a muscle.