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[The match starts in the Cheater's Lobby. There are 10 Impostors among 100 Crewmates. Several players behind him walk around the room.]
PLAYER
What the? This can't be right!
[Player calls an Emergency Meeting.]
PLAYER
Okay, can anyone tell me what's going on here?
PROGAMER
Well, uh, you see...
[Everyone else talks simultaneously.]
PLAYER
Oh my god! My ears, my ears! Argh, make it stop!
[Player is ejected.]
PLAYER
Oh, thank god.
[Player returns to the Cheater's Lobby.]
PLAYER
It's not fair. I finally won a match. And just because I cheated a tiny little bit, I'm stuck in this cheater's lobby forever?
[SirClogsworth plays the harmonica while sitting on a box.]
PLAYER
I don't get it, SirClogsworth. How can you be okay with being trapped in this place? It's dirty, dark, dank, drab...
[SirClogsworth gets off, throwing the harmonica away.]
SIRCLOGSWORTH
Don't forget, derelict, dangerous, duplicatous and discordant...?
PLAYER
Deformed, deranged, deviant...
SIRCLOGSWORTH
Daya, dawa, dodgy, dubious, dusty, dismal, dreary!
PLAYER
Yeah! And um, uh, it sucks!
SIRCLOGSWORTH
Indeed it does, Mr. Player! But you've made your bed, now you must lie in it.
PLAYER
(sighs) Fine. It's just sad that I'll never get to see any of my old friends again, like Veteran, PoopyFarts, Mother...
MR. CHEESE
(in the background) ...and Mr. Cheese!
PLAYER
Mr. Cheese? You're here too?
MR. CHEESE
Yes, freaking bullcrap. I cheated like four episodes ago when I created TheGentlebot.
SIRCLOGSWORTH
Greetings and salutations to you, fellow cheater! I am SirClogsworth.
MR. CHEESE
Why hello, SirClogsworth. My name, Mr. Cheese.
PLAYER
I can't believe I'm saying this but, I'm so glad you're around, Mr. Cheese. Maybe this lobby won't be so bad after all.
MR. CHEESE
Huh, I'll say. This is a magical place with no rules, Player. Just watch this. Look how high I can jump! Hiya!
PLAYER
([with contempt) Yeah. Very cool, Mr. Cheese.
SIRCLOGSWORTH
Oh, yes! Allow me to introduce you all, starting with...
[Angel lands from above with her wings.]
PLAYER
...Angel?
SIRCLOGSWORTH
Oh, you know her! She's been here for quite some time. Apparently, she violated the kill cooldown counter!
MR. CHEESE
OMG, that explains minute 5:27 of the first episode!
SIRCLOGSWORTH
Next, we have the New England Patriots!
[One of the players stab a football with a knife. It deflates and falls to the ground.]
PLAYER
Why are the New England Patriots here?
MR. CHEESE
Are you kidding me? These guys are the biggest cheaters of all!
SIRCLOGSWORTH
Last but certainly least, we have the most amazing, incredible, be-e-autiful player this game has ever seen! It's Ms. Pink!
MS. PINK
Hiya, Clogsworth. Who are your friends?
SIRCLOGSWORTH
Hello, Ms. Pink! This orange fellow is Mr. Cheese, (to Player) and this gentleman is...
PLAYER
(attracted) Hi, uh...My name's, uh, Player...uh-huh...
MR. CHEESE
(joking) Way to stay smooth, ding dong.
PLAYER
Maybe when we get in there, we could work together. O-or s-something...n-never mind...it's stupid. So dumb.
MS. PINK
(giggles) I like you. See you in there, tiger.
[Ms. Pink leaves. Player stammers.]
SIRCLOGSWORTH
Wow. It's hard to believe someone like her could be a dirty, rotten cheater, like the rest of us!
MR. CHEESE
Yeah, she just doesn't do for me. Personally, I prefer the subtle round bean shape?
PLAYER
(to himself) She called me tiger. Rawr.
SIRCLOGSWORTH
Well, we better start the next match!
MR. CHEESE
Wait. It's not going to be another 100 person game again, right? That was horrible!
SIRCLOGSWORTH
No, no, no. This next one will be much...smaller.
[The match starts. Player and Angel are the Impostors.]
PLAYER
Alright, this is my chance. Time to- (looks up) Wait a minute...why is everything so big?!
ANGEL
(chuckles) Everything's not big, Player. We're just weenie, eenie, beenie!
PLAYER
B-but why?
ANGEL
Haven't you played with the tiny impostor mod on before?
PLAYER
No? This is crazy!
[There is a loud stomping. A giant Mr. Cheese walks near them.]
MR. CHEESE
(in a slow, booming voice) My name, Mr. Cheese!
PLAYER
Okay, this is the stuff of nightmares. How are we even supposed to kill people like this?
ANGEL
Don't worry, I've got this!
[Angel pulls out a pair of long blades. Steel cables shoot from the hilt.]
ANGEL
Hup, hiya!
[She slices Mr. Cheese. Mr. Cheese's upper half slowly detaches.]
MR. CHEESE
Huh? Owchie!
[Angel lands on her feet.]
PLAYER
Wow! Angel, that was incredible!
ANGEL
You see, Player, it isn't that hard. In fact, being tiny can be lots of fun!
PLAYER
Yeah, I guess you're right. Okay, we can do this!
ANGEL
You bet we can. Now come on! We've got a game to win, and players to-
[Ms. Pink stomps on Angel.]
PLAYER
Angel!
[Ms. Pink lifts her foot. Angel's body is now a bubblegum-like mass sticking on Ms. Pink's foot.]
PLAYER
Whoa! Ms. Pink?
MS. PINK
Hey, little guy. Enjoying the game?
PLAYER
(frustrated) I- I don't understand! How did you kill Angel? She was an impostor!
MS. PINK
Isn't it obvious? I cheated!
PLAYER
Oh, right.
MS. PINK
And it looks like (points at him) you're next, stud.
[Ms. Pink drops her foot at Player.]
PLAYER
Wait, no! AAAAAH!
[Mr. Cheese's body is reported.]
SIRCLOGSWORTH
Ms. Pink, I found Mr. Cheese's body in the cafeteria!
MS. PINK
Yes, I know. I was able to kill Angel, the impostor responsible for his death. And now, we just have to vote out Player.
SIRCLOGSWORTH
Why do you think it's Player?
MS. PINK
Because we have the tiny impostor mod on, and he is very, very small.
PLAYER
(climbing to the table) You know what? Fine! I am an impostor. But if this is a cheater's lobby where anyone can do whatever they want, then why does it even matter? Ms. Pink has killed more players than I have. I don't even care about winning anymore. I just wanna go back to my friends.
SIRCLOGSWORTH
Well, there's only one way out of the cheater's lobby, kid; and no one's willing to do it.
PLAYER
I'll do it! I'll do anything! What is it?
SIRCLOGSWORTH
You just have to renounce your victory to Innersloth, admitting that you never really won--because you cheated, and cheating is bad!
PLAYER
You mean, I just have to say something like...
PLAYER
I'm sorry, Innersloth, grandmasters of Among Us. I really, really wanted to win, so I cheated. I never should have convinced my friends that it was a good idea. I've learned my lesson. I know that victory doesn't count, I renounce it all. Cheating is wrong and is never worth it. And when I finally do win one for real, it'll be because I deserved it, not because I used some cheap mod.
[Player disappears. He returns to the real lobby.]
PLAYER
(dissatisfied) Wow, I can't believe that actually worked.