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Episode   Gallery   Transcript    
For the cast list, click here.

(In The Skeld, Weapons. Player is destroying asteroids.)

PLAYER

Come on. Almost there. As soon as I clear all the asteroids, the crewmates win!

(The vent behind Player opens.)

PLAYER

This is it. One more to go. Victory is mine-

(Ninja impales Player with the tongue. Bro and Ninja win the round as the impostors. Player spawns back into the lobby.)

PLAYER

Ugh. I’m sick of being a boring crewmate all the time!

BRO

Dude, stop whining just cause I beat you so bad.

PLAYER

What are you talking about, bro? You got voted out before you even killed anyone! Ninja did all the work.

NINJA

(in Japanese) Thanks.

BRO

Wow, sore loser (gives the Loser hand gesture) much? Why don’t you just leave the game and go cry about it.

PLAYER

Just wait until I get to be the impostor! Then you’ll see!

BRO

Yeah, ok, whatever dork. Come on Ninja, let’s gloat over all the other people we beat.

NINJA

(in Japanese) Your face is ugly, and your hat is crippled.

BRO

You know what? Just let me do the talking.

(Bro and Ninja walk away.)

PLAYER

(he sighs) Maybe he’s right.

THEGENTLEMAN

Is something bothering you, Mr. Player?

PLAYER

Oh! (he waves his hand) Hey, TheGentleman. I don't know, I’m just so sick of losing. And Bro’s teasing is starting to get to me.

THEGENTLEMAN

Ah yes, bullying. It’s quite an ugly affair.

MR. CHEESE

My name Mr. Cheese!

THEGENTLEMAN

Shut up, Mr. Cheese! (TheGentleman chokes Mr. Cheese. Mr. Cheese "inflates" his body by putting his thumb on where the mouth should be and blows it.)

THEGENTLEMAN

I’m sorry, Mr. Player. This simpleton made me loose my train of thought.

PLAYER

You were talking about bullying?

THEGENTLEMAN

Oh yes. Nasty stuff. Truly despicable.

PLAYER

...Right. Well, why don’t you introduce me to these people I haven’t played with yet?

THEGENTLEMAN

Bloody good idea.

(Screen transitions to Stoner and Captain.)

THEGENTLEMAN

Well, you’ve already played with Stoner and Captain.

PLAYER

Yeah! I remember them from the first episode.

THEGENTLEMAN

Episode?

PLAYER

Nothing, never mind.

(Screen switches to Mother.)

THEGENTLEMAN

The next on our list is Mother. She takes the role-playing aspect of this game a bit too seriously.

MOTHER

Don’t talk to me or my son ever again!

(Screen switches to PoopyFarts96)

THEGENTLEMAN

Followed up, of course, by PoopyFarts96, who never ceases to tickle me silly!

POOPYFARTS96

(he waves and greets)

(Screen switches to Goober)

THEGENTLEMAN

And lastly on our list is Goober. Goober is...well...Goober.

(Screen switches to back to Player, Mr. Cheese, and TheGentleman)

PLAYER

Seems like quite the cast.

THEGENTLEMAN

Yes indeed!

CAPTAIN

Lock and load, everybody. Time to start the game.

(The game starts. Player is an impostor, along with Mr. Cheese. Player spawns and walks into Admin.)

PLAYER

Ok Player, just play it cool.

THEGENTLEMAN

Play what cool, Mr. Player?

PLAYER

Oh uh...nothing! Just...doing my crewmate tasks. This keycard is so hard to swipe.

THEGENTLEMAN

Yes, indeed it is.

MR. CHEESE

My name Mr. Cheese!

THEGENTLEMAN

For the last time, quiet, you buffoon! You stupid, spineless, good-for-nothing, incompetent- I've had enough of my-

FOR THE LAST TIME, QUIET YOU BUFFOON. YOU STUPID, SPINELESS, GOOD FOR NOTHING INCOMPETENT! I HAVE HALF OF MY-

MR. CHEESE

Mr. Cheese!

(Mr. Cheese stabs TheGentleman multiple times.)

PLAYER

Okay, okay, enough. You got him.

MR. CHEESE

Mr. Cheese do good, boss?

NINJA

(he facepalms) Honto? (Really?)

(TheGentleman's body is reported.)

CAPTAIN

Wow, that happened fast. Anyone see anything?

NINJA

(Tries to tell everyone that it was Player and Mr. Cheese.)

CAPTAIN

Sorry pal, I don’t speak the El Mexicano. But I’m gonna assume you said: I have no idea who the killer is! You’re awesome Captain, keep being awesome.

MR. CHEESE

Please everyone. I need you to speak up if you have a lady, you don’t know what it’s like to raise a family in a world with two impostors!

STONER

Well, like, dudes, it’s not me.

BRO

Yeah, Stoner and I were together doing non-murder-related things.

CAPTAIN

Hmm, then that rules the two of you out, but it must be someone! Think people, think!

BRO

You know, Player is being suspiciously quiet this whole meeting.

PLAYER

Uhh..

MR. CHEESE

Hey, how do I go into the vents like Ninja did?

NINJA

(In Japanese)What?!?!

GOOBER

It’s the NINJA! KILL HIM!

CAPTAIN

Lovin’ the enthusiasm Goober, but this is a civilized society. First, we vote without any hard evidence, then we kill him! All those in favor of flinging Ninja into the dark, limitless, void of space...say aye.

EVERYONE EXCEPT NINJA

Aye!

NINJA

(In Japanese) Wait a minute!

(Ninja gets voted out. He isn’t the impostor.)

CAPTAIN

Well, normally I would call you out for suspicious activity...but I’m just gonna chalk that one up to classic Mr. Cheese tomfoolery.

BRO

Yeah, Mr. Cheese is too stupid to be a good impostor.

STONER

He’s not like...a super big brain boy like the three of us.

MOTHER

He’s an absolute moron.

GOOBER

Haha! Mr. Cheese dumb.

(Mr. Cheese, who is standing next to Goober, kills her with multiple stabs once again. The whole group votes out Mr. Cheese, who is the impostor.)

CAPTAIN

O...k. It seems like we may have underestimated Mr. Cheese.

POOPYFARTS96

(farts)

(Screen transitions to Player walking)

PLAYER

Ok. There’s only a few people left. Time to get my first kill.

(Player walks into a room where Mother is.)

PLAYER

Yes. All alone. Perfect opportunity to strike.

MOTHER

Oh hey, Player!

PLAYER

Hmm! Uh...Hey! Heh.

MOTHER

Can you believe Mr. Cheese back there? Murdering someone in broad daylight like that?

PLAYER

Yeah. C-crazy.

MOTHER

And in front of the CHILDREN no less. I mean, what kind of horrible, despicable, rotten, no-good scum bag would do something like that?

PLAYER

Well, when you put it like that-

MOTHER

Timmy here is the Captain of his Pee wee soft ball team! You wanna see a picture?

PLAYER

Umm...maybe some other time-

MOTHER

Look at him. Isn’t he adorable?

PLAYER

Yeah...he’s cute alright.

MOTHER

That’s because he takes after his mother! Haha! Here, hold Franklin while I finish this task.

PLAYER

Yeah, I don’t think I can do this.

MOTHER

Do what?

(Stoner calls an emergency meeting.)

STONER

Dudes, like, Captain has been following me around everywhere, and it’s totally harshing my mellow.

CAPTAIN

Wow, Stoner. And here I thought we were having a nice evening together!

BRO

You better have a good excuse, bromigo. That sounds seriously sus.

CAPTAIN

I was following Stoner because I’ve finished with all my tasks, and it’s safer to travel as a pack! I call it the buddy system. But now, it’s more like the betrayal-stabby-in-the-backy system!

BRO

Yeah, everyone who’s voting for Captain say aye.

EVERYONE EXCEPT CAPTAIN

Aye.

CAPTAIN

So it’s a mutiny then.

(Captain is voted out. He’s not the impostor.)

STONER

Ok, so, I may have been a little paranoid there, but that’s just a totally normal side effect of playing among us too long.

(Screen transitions to Player walking)

PLAYER

Ok, I’ve been seriously lucky so far. But it’s time I take matters into my own hands.

(Player walks toward PoopyFarts96)

PLAYER

I’m sorry PoopyFarts96. You were always my favorite.

(Player kills PoopyFarts96. Once he is dead, he lets loose one last fart. Player laughs at this)

STONER

What’s so funny, dude?

PLAYER

Oh uh..nothing! Just remembering something PoopyFarts said.

STONER

Haha, that dude’s hilarious. Anyways, better do my task in here.

PLAYER

Wait wait wait. Before you do that...let’s uh...go across the hall to the security office.

STONER

Why?

PLAYER

Well, we...gotta make sure no one’s doing anything suspicious out there.

STONER

Right on, brother.

(Player’s cool down is finally over. He shoots Stoner. He hears someone coming down the hallway.

PLAYER

Gotta hide!

(Player hops inside of the vent just as Mother arrives)

MOTHER

Oh my god!

(Mother reports the bodies.)

BRO

Where?

MR. CHEESE

I found two bodies, both in the reactor.

BRO

You see anything?

MR. CHEESE

No. But I thought I heard someone go into the vents.

PLAYER

Well, it’s gotta be bro!

BRO

What? I was on the other side of the map.

MOTHER

Why do you think it’s Bro?

PLAYER

Well...I-uhhh...

BRO

See? He’s lying! It’s clearly him.

PLAYER

No, wait! Mother. If I was the impostor, why didn’t I kill you in Navigation before?

MR. CHEESE

That’s true! You know what? I believe you, Player. Let’s vote Bro out.

BRO

Wait. Just hold on a second-

(Mr. Cheese bumps against the window if the ship.)

MR. CHEESE

Hi Player! Did we win the game as the impostors yet?

(Mother and Bro give Player angry looks. They vote Player out.)

PLAYER

Ahem, uhm, uh... (Player was an Imposter) This game sucks.

MR. CHEESE

My name Mr. Cheese!

PLAYER

Shut up, Mr. Cheese.

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