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Episode   Gallery   Transcript    
For the cast list, click here.

(Player turns on a light and stares at Veteran. Mr. Cheese next is to him.)

PLAYER

Alright, bub. We’re the last 3 players remaining, and we’re onto you. You better start talking.

MR. CHEESE

You’re gonna sing like a little canary. Tweet-tweet!

VETERAN

Listen, you’ve got the wrong guy! Where am I? What’s going o-

(Player slaps Veteran.)

PLAYER

I’ll be asking all the questions around here, pal. Alright, first question-

MR. CHEESE

What’s your favorite color?

VETERAN

Uh, yellow?

MR. CHEESE

Wrong answer, pal. (he slaps Veteran)

VETERAN

Ow, dude.

PLAYER

Hey Mr. Cheese, uh, quick sidebar?

MR. CHEESE

Oh, hey. Sure thing.

(Player and Mr. Cheese turn around)

PLAYER

Okay. First off Mr. Cheese, you’re doing great.

MR. CHEESE

YeaH, thanks. I definitely thought so.

PLAYER

Just got a couple notes for you is all.

MR. CHEESE

Uh-huh?

PLAYER

Okay. First, your questions need to be about the murders, ‘cause we’re trying to figure out who the killer is?

MR. CHEESE

Oh yeah! Right, right, right! Good note, good note.

PLAYER

And second, before we went into this: we kind of agreed that you would be the good cop, and I would be the bad cop.

MR. CHEESE

Yeah, but I wanna be the bad cop. I’m sort of a loose cannon that plays by his own rules.

PLAYER

Okay, fine. I was really looking forward to it; but I will switch and be the good cop, and you can be the bad cop.

MR. CHEESE

Great idea, Player!

PLAYER

Sorry about that Veteran, it’s been a stressful game for everyone, I think. We just want to ask you a couple questions in order to get to the bottom of this. Can I get you anything? A water? Coffee, perhaps?

VETERAN

Uh, no thanks.

MR. CHEESE

How about I bring you a nice warm glass of goat’s milk? Mmm. Delicious.

VETERAN

Ew? Why would you warm up goat’s milk?

MR. CHEESE

Well I didn’t, intentionally. It’s been sitting in my car all day.

PLAYER

We’re gonna need another sidebar.

(The two turn around again.)

MR. CHEESE

What’s up, partner?

PLAYER

Mr. Cheese, the whole “Good Cop, Bad Cop” routine only works when there’s one good cop and one bad cop.

MR. CHEESE

Right, makes sense.

PLAYER

So which one do you wanna be?

MR. CHEESE

I wanna be the Silly Cop.

PLAYER

What?

MR. CHEESE

Yea, I wanna be the real youngster of the precinct. I can solve crimes with laughter!

PLAYER

No! There is no silly cop!

VETERAN

You guys know I can hear everything you’re saying, right?

PLAYER

Alright. Just tell us what the heck happened back there, or else you’re gonna get voted off.

MR. CHEESE

Spill the beans, punk!

VETERAN

Okay, no problem. The game started out just like any other, until I got into Electrical.

(Flashback starts. Veteran runs into Electrical. He sees TheGentleman and Mr. Cheese there.)

THEGENTLEMAN

Good evening, my dear sir!

VETERAN

Wassup, gentledude.

MR. CHEESE

My name, Mr. Cheese!

THEGENTLEMAN

(he sighs) Why are you like this?

MR. CHEESE

TheGentleman, I didn’t mean to-

THEGENTLEMAN

(he slaps his hand) Don’t.

VETERAN

Okay. Why don’t I just do my task in here, and then I’ll give you guys some space.

(Veteran completes the Calibrate Distributor task.)

VETERAN

Okay, that was easy en- Oh my god!

(Veteran turns around. Mr. Cheese is holding TheGentleman's sliced body.)

MR. CHEESE

R. I. P. in peace, sweet prince. (he closes TheGentleman’s eyes and starts crying)

(TheGentleman's body is reported.)

VETERAN

TheGentleman is dead everyone!

(Player, Captain, Goober, and Mother gasp.)

VETERAN

I know, right? It’s crazy!

PLAYER

Well, what did you see?

VETERAN

Honestly, nothing. I was just doing my task. It was the Calibration one, did it first try. Let’s not make a big deal out of it.

CAPTAIN

Who else was in there with you, Veteran?

VETERAN

Just Mr. Cheese.

GOOBER

Lets! Kill! Him!

MR. CHEESE

Wait everyone, it wasn’t me, it was Mother!

MOTHER

Me? (she scoffs) I would never!

MR. CHEESE

She vented, killed TheGentleman, and vented again while Veteran was distracted! She was trying to frame me!

MOTHER

(sarcastically laughing) Oh, that’s ridiculous!

CAPTAIN

Is it Mother? I’ll tell you what’s ridiculous, imagining this little guy is an Impostor. I mean just look at him!

(Mr. Cheese makes a cute face, pinching his cheeks with two fingers.)

PLAYER

I’m still not so sure guys. He could be telling the truth, but he’s also the most likely suspect. Maybe we should vote him off, just to be safe.

MR. CHEESE

Guys! if Mother is not Impostor, then my name, (record scratch SFX) not Mr. Cheese.

(Everyone else gasps.)

VETERAN

Oh! But your name, Mr. Cheese!

CAPTAIN

Everyone, vote out Mother.

GOOBER

Kill her!

(Everyone has voted. Mother is ejected and is An Impostor.)

PLAYER

Nice work everyone, only one Impostor left to go!

POOPYFARTS

(he is pleased)

(The flashback stops, going back to the present time.)

PLAYER

Alright Veteran, cut the crap. I know all this stuff already. You’re the second impostor, aren’t you?

MR. CHEESE

You’ll be seriously messed up if you were. Admit it!

VETERAN

What, no! I’m not! I swear!

PLAYER

It has to be you! Because we know it’s not Mr. Cheese, and we know it’s not me.

VETERAN

(to Player) Wait a sec, do we know it’s not you?

MR. CHEESE

Yeah!

PLAYER

Okay, before you do whatever you’re thinking, just-

(The lights turn off. Player is now in the chair with duct tape on his mouth.)

PLAYER

(muffled) What do you think you're doing? Hey! Let me out! Heeelp!

VETERAN

(he puts the crown hat back in his head) I can’t understand him. Can you understand him?

MR. CHEESE

That’s a big nope-sicle for me, Veteran.

(Veteran rips the duct tape off Player’s mouth.)

PLAYER

Ow! Why would you put the Duct tape on if you were just gonna rip it off right away?

VETERAN

I don’t know, it looks cool in the movies.

MR. CHEESE

Yeah, let’s duct tape him again! (he chuckles)

PLAYER

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Just here my side of the story first, okay? After the meeting, I went to MedBay.

(Flashback resumes. Player runs to MedBay. Captain is in the middle of a scan.)

CAPTAIN

Oh, hey Player! Are you wanting to use the scanner too?

PLAYER

Yep, it’s my last task.

CAPTAIN

Don’t worry, I’m almost done!

(Captain finishes his scan. Player steps on the scanner.)

CAPTAIN

Here! It’s all yours.

PLAYER

Thanks.

CAPTAIN

While I gotcha here Player, I couldn’t help but notice you didn’t show up to our daily best friend picnic. I waited for hours.

PLAYER

We don’t have daily best friend picnics, Captain.

CAPTAIN

I know, ‘cause you never come to them. That’s what I’m saying! You know, sometimes I get the feeling that I like being your friend (the scan hologram completely blocks the screen) a lot more than you like being mine, which is obviously ridiculous, you’re pretty much obsessed with me! But when you don’t come to our daily picnics, (the hologram fades) or Saturday bingo, or my birthday party, I can’t help but get the feeling that you don’t like me very much.

(Player finishes the task. The bodies of PoopyFarts96 and Goober lie behind Captain.)

PLAYER

Captain? What did you do?

CAPTAIN

Oh. Well, now these make me look very suspicious.

(PoopyFarts96's body is reported.)

PLAYER

Everybody, vote out Captain! He’s guilty!

CAPTAIN

No, Please!

VETERAN

What makes you think it was him?

PLAYER

I saw him kill PoopyFarts and Goober!

MR. CHEESE

Wait, so you actually witnessed him committing these vicious acts of violence?

PLAYER

No, not technically. I was in the middle of the scanner when it must have happened. But he was the only other person in there. It was definitely him!

CAPTAIN

Wow, Player. You know, it hurts when your best friends don’t show up to support you. This is like my birthday party all over again.

PLAYER

All those in favor of voting out Captain, say aye.

PLAYER AND VETERAN

Aye!

MR. CHEESE

My name, Mr. Cheese.

CAPTAIN

Wait, before you kick me out, (record scratch SFX again) You all did get my birthday invitations, right? I mean my mailman has held a grudge against me since my pet’s named Charlie bit him, so maybe they got lost in the mail, or-

MR. CHEESE

Ha, we all got the invitations Captain, trust me.

CAPTAIN

(sadly) Oh, I see…

Captain is not An Impostor.

PLAYER

We really should’ve gone to his birthday party.

VETERAN

It was at a Cicis Pizza, Player. Gross!

(The flashback stops, going back to the present time.)

PLAYER

And that brings us to the present.

VETERAN

Well that story didn’t help at all.

PLAYER

It doesn’t help because I’m not the Impostor!

VETERAN

Well neither am I.

MR. CHEESE

Guys, Guys, Guys, we’re running out of time, and I have no idea which one of you should live. Do Rock Paper Scissors.

PLAYER

Fine.

VETERAN

Yea, that seems fair enough.

(They hold their hands into formation)

'PLAYER

Alright, you Ready?

VETERAN

Ready.

PLAYER AND VETERAN

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!

(Player chooses Rock, Veteran chooses scissors.)

PLAYER

Yes! I won!

VETERAN

NOOOOOO!

MR. CHEESE

Congratulations Player, looks like you’ll live; and get to watch Veteran DIE!!!

[Mr. Cheese shoots Veteran in the visor. Player watches Veteran fall to the floor]

PLAYER

Dang It.

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